Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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