I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
