Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
