dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i now understand why vodka
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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