$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
