Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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