this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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