No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
