everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
