I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
