We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
