When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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