Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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