it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
