I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
