Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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