why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize