So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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