one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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