I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
