I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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