omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even my vagina gasped.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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