the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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