Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
