it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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