Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
