Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
