Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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