I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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