How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
