I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
