yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
