Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
