Where is the hickey?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
