I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
