No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
