My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
