Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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