I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
