Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
