bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
