So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
