I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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