careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
