We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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