You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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