A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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