i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
