Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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