My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sext me about skeletons
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
