i dont even know how to be here
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My ass is underappreciated
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize