ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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