i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize