I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
