I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
