i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
