I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we should paint friendship bongs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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