I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
