i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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