I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
