We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
