At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
