when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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