Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
