well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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