Pappa wants mamma naked
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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