Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
