giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize