Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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