This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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