On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
