You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
