dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Houston, we have a squirter
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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