I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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