If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
